If you had asked me in January of 1995 whether it was more likely I would someday be elected president of the United States or become a Christian, I would have started humming "Hail to the Chief." After all, I was an associate in a large law firm. I owned a condominium and a nice car and everything I needed. I was driven, and, above all, in control of my life.

I was also an agnostic. As a child, I attended church maybe five times. Religion, in my mind, was useless, perhaps even an impediment to true fulfillment. Nevertheless, after going to a good college, a great law school and getting a fantastic job, I was not entirely happy. Something was missing.

On Sept. 17, 1995, I stood before a church full of Baptists, seeking to be baptized after publicly proclaiming my faith in Jesus Christ. How did I get from January to September? The Bible verse I read at my baptism says it all: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8)

There was, however, tangible human involvement. My conversion began in February 1995 when I met a Christian who had the courage to share his faith with me. He and I had a long discussion over dinner one night about death. I've had conversations like this many times before, but this one turned out much differently. I expressed my concern that I had no idea what lied beyond the grave and talked about my paralyzing fear of death.

This rational, intelligent, thoughtful person told me that his personal relationship with God made him as sure of what awaited him after physical death as he was of anything. I was surprised and curious. Every other time I had this conversation with people, they agreed with me that there was no answer of which we could be certain of on this side of the grave. We could only hope for the best.

After that conversation and many others that followed, it dawned on me I may have been wrong my entire life. There might indeed be a God. The consequences of being wrong were dire, and I knew I needed to learn more.

I began reading the Bible, praying, meeting other Christians and regularly attending a church that faithfully preached the Bible. Initially, I did not pray to God because I believed in Him. Instead, I prayed that if He in fact existed He would show Himself to me in a way that I could understand. I prayed for faith and for understanding. I prayed without knowing whether or not anyone heard, but believing that it could not possibly harm me. To the contrary, it saved me.

I read a remarkable book called "Your Verdict on the Empty Tomb," by Val Grieve, and for the first time truly believed that Christ rose from the dead. In addition, I learned that sin separated all men from God and that Christ's death on the Cross was an atonement for the sin of all people who would put their trust in Christ. Those who believe Jesus is the Messiah, and surrender their lives to him, can be reconciled to God and be assured of salvation. The question was: Could I surrender control of my life to Christ?

Becoming a Christian, after all, meant doing the one thing I thought I'd never do and that was acknowledging I needed something I could not provide for myself. I continued to read, joined a Bible study group and struggled with the notion of being a Christian and with the eternal consequences of not being Christian. I also learned that my sister who lived in Texas had become a Christian. We started talking about what it meant to be a Christian. I expressed to her my concern that in spite of my desire to be reconciled to God, I feared I would never be ready to be a Christian. She assured me that I was ready and encouraged me to put my trust in Christ. I decided to do just that.

That was in July 1995. Since that time, everything has changed. I still work at the same law firm (one of the nation's largest independent firms located in Washington DC), and I still own the same material things. But I have so much more now than I ever did before. My life has real meaning and perspective. I know that I am not the center of the universe, but that I live to serve God, my creator and redeemer.

My time on this Earth has a definite direction it never had before. It is hard to describe in mere words alone the radical ways my perspective on everything has changed. I still worry, but there is an assurance that comes from trusting God. My social life and sense of right and wrong have been dramatically altered. I do not understand God completely, nor has becoming a Christian erased all hurt and sorrow from my life. I do not know why God allows people I love to die young, and I do not understand many other difficult things in this world.

But reading the Bible and learning about Christ has taught me about God's character. I know He loves me. I know He cares for me. But most of all, I know that I have been forgiven of sin. I didn't become a Christian to feel good. But knowing God makes me feel good indeed.

 

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